The Ghost I Loved.

The ghost I created to survive loneliness.

I’m not sure if I loved him or loved his potential.

The man I thought he was. The man I believed he could become. The version of us I built in my head.

I forgot that loving someone’s potential can be one of the most dangerous things you can do.

Because potential takes no responsibility as it exists only in your mind. It never forgets you. Never lies. Never cheats. Never disregards you. Never leaves.

Why? Because it’s a fictional version of him that gets to do all those things in reality

I defended him because I refused to accept who he really was. I clung so tightly to his potential that I couldn’t admit the truth….. The truth that I had fallen in love with someone who never existed.

A ghost, if I’m being honest.

Deep down, I knew he wasn’t good enough for me. Still, I stayed.

Because every once in a while, maybe for thirty seconds out of an entire twenty-four hours—he made me happy.

And somehow, those thirty seconds were enough from the real him because the potential version of him I’d created in my mind covered the other 23 hours, 59 minutes, and 30 seconds.

It’s heartbreaking to realize that the man I created in my head and the man standing in front of me are complete strangers.

They could exist side by side forever and never become the same person.  I’ve finally accepted that and I’ve cried over it.

And the hardest part of all is realizing that my love, my heart, and even my body as given to a stranger.

cause the person I fell in love with wasn’t him. It was his potential.

Now reality is here. And only one of them gets to stay.

I don’t need to tell you which one.